ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize