i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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