I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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