You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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