well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
