I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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