he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
