so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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