from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
