I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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