cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
