Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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