The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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