I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
