He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
