My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
