im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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