is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
