I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
