She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
