she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
