it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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