um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
