Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
