oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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