I can tuck mytits in my pants
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
