dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
