My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
