Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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