So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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