Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize