it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
