I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
