Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
