At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
