The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
