Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
