I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
