Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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