girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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