My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
