our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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