You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
