one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize