i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
