she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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