we're blogging at a bar
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
