Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I lost the right to judge tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
