don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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