you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So vagazzling was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
