he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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