my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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