Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
