i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
