Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
