Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
