I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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