; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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