What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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