dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
