Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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