The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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