Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
