"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Who died my cat blue again?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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