i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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