Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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