So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
