you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
