Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
