Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
