Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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