Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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