Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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