If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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