another moral hangover. fuck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
