you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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