Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
