I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
