I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
