I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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