A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
