I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
