there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize