You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
