I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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