the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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