I hate your face
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
