Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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