I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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