I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
