The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize