All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
MIDGETS
????
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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