She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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