Banned from zoo.
Again?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
