We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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