Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
