if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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