this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
