I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
