I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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