Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
