Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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