Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
